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Have We Created a MONSTER..?
Trina Rymland • June 12, 2025
Have We Created a MONSTER...? Thoughts on Entitled Behavior
Young children often exhibit entitled behavior, such as demanding attention, refusing to share, or expecting rewards without effort, for a variety of developmental, environmental, and parenting-related reasons. This behavior is not always a sign of lasting character flaws but often reflects normal developmental stages combined with environmental influences.
1. Developmental Stage
Young children are naturally egocentric. Their brains are still developing the ability to understand others’ perspectives, control impulses, and delay gratification. This makes them more likely to seem “entitled” simply because they are not yet cognitively capable of mature empathy or self-regulation.
2. Parenting Style
Certain parenting approaches can unintentionally foster entitlement. Overindulgence (giving too many material items or rewards), lack of boundaries, or shielding children from disappointment can lead them to expect instant gratification or special treatment. Similarly, inconsistent discipline may confuse children about expectations and consequences.
3. Cultural and Social Influences
Modern culture often reinforces entitlement through media, advertising, and peer influence. Children are frequently exposed to messages that equate happiness with consumption or that glorify status and success without effort, shaping unrealistic expectations.
4. Emotional Needs
Sometimes, entitled behavior masks unmet emotional needs. A child who feels insecure, unheard, or disconnected may act out in ways that appear demanding or self-centered. They may use control or manipulation to get attention or reassurance.
5. Lack of Responsibility or Contribution
When children are not given age-appropriate responsibilities or opportunities to contribute to the family or community, they may not develop a sense of gratitude or accountability. Entitlement can emerge when effort and reward are not connected.
Entitlement in young children is often a mix of age-appropriate immaturity and environmental factors. It can be addressed with consistent boundaries, empathy-building, responsibility, and modeling gratitude. With guidance, children can outgrow entitled tendencies and develop more balanced, respectful attitudes.
So What Do We Do About It…?
1. Consistent Boundaries: Creating Structure and Security
Children thrive when they understand the rules and know what to expect. Inconsistent boundaries can confuse them and can make them push harder to get what they want. When parents set clear expectations and stick to them, children feel safer, more secure, and learn limits.
What to do:
- Set clear rules and consequences. For example: "We clean up our toys before screen time." If the rule isn’t followed, the consequence is no screen time.
- Follow through every time. If you say "no dessert if you whine at dinner," but give it anyway, your child learns the whining works.
- Use calm, firm communication. Avoid yelling or emotional reactions. Say, “I know you're upset, and the rule is still the same.”
- Be proactive, not reactive. Establish routines and expectations early to avoid constant negotiations.
Children learn that they are not the center of every decision, and that rules apply to everyone. This helps reduce demanding or manipulative behavior.
2. Empathy-Building: Teaching Kids to Understand Others
Empathy is the ability to understand how others feel. Entitled kids often focus only on their own wants and needs. Empathy encourages them to think outside themselves and respond with kindness and respect.
What to do:
- Label and talk about emotions. Ask questions like, “How do you think your sister felt when you took her toy?”
- Use books and stories. Discuss characters' feelings: “Why do you think he was sad? What could his friend have done differently?”
- Praise empathetic behavior. Acknowledge it when your child shows care or concern: “It was kind of you to help your friend when he fell.”
- Encourage perspective-taking. Ask, “How would you feel if someone did that to you?”
3. Responsibility: Connecting Privileges to Contribution
When children aren’t asked to contribute, they may come to believe they are owed everything simply for existing. Giving them age-appropriate responsibilities helps them learn that effort leads to rewards and that they are part of something bigger than themselves.
What to do:
- Assign daily or weekly chores. Start small: feeding the pet, setting the table, putting away laundry. Increase responsibility with age.
- Tie privileges to effort. Instead of giving screen time automatically, say, “Once your room is tidy, then you can watch your show.”
- Avoid doing everything for them. Let them pack their own lunch or manage their homework folder (with support as needed).
- Teach problem-solving. Rather than fixing everything, guide them to find their own solutions: “What can you do if your toy is missing?”
Children who take responsibility learn accountability, independence, and a healthy sense of pride in their contributions.
4. Modeling Gratitude: Teaching Appreciation Through Action
Gratitude is the antidote to entitlement. Kids who appreciate what they have are less likely to demand more or take things for granted. And children learn this best not by lectures, but by watching their parents.
What to do:
- Practice daily gratitude. Share what you’re thankful for at dinner or bedtime, and invite your child to do the same.
- Say “thank you” often—and mean it. Let them hear you thank store clerks, family members, even your child when they help.
- Write thank-you notes. After birthdays or holidays, help your child send notes or draw pictures to show appreciation.
- Point out blessings. Teach them to notice little things: “Aren’t we lucky to have a warm house on a cold day?”
Grateful children develop a sense of contentment, humility, and awareness of others’ efforts on their behalf—key traits that prevent entitlement.
Final Thoughts…
Changing entitled behavior won’t happen overnight, but with consistency and connection, it’s very possible. Remember, children aren't born knowing how to be considerate, responsible, or grateful. They learn these qualities over time, with your help. By setting clear boundaries, building empathy, encouraging responsibility, and modeling gratitude, you’re giving your child the lifelong tools to be not only less entitled, but more kind, resilient, and socially capable.
Read about why boundaries are so important in parenting. Reach out for more help.
Giving Guidelines to Grandparents: A Guide to Conscious Parenting Without Offending Grandparents are often eager to spend time with their grandchildren, offering love and care in their own unique way. They bring years of experience and wisdom, but generational differences can sometimes lead to misunderstandings when it comes to childcare. If you're adopting a more conscious or modern parenting approach, you may want to gently offer guidelines for how you'd like your child to be cared for when they stay with their grandparents. Here's how to communicate these needs thoughtfully, ensuring that your desire is clear while preserving your relationship. 1. Start with Appreciation Begin by acknowledging the love and care that grandparents have for your child. Let them know you deeply appreciate their involvement in your child's life. For instance, you could say: "I really appreciate the time you spend with [child's name]. It means a lot to me that you are such a big part of their life." By setting a positive tone, you lay the groundwork for an open and respectful conversation. 2. Acknowledge Their Experience Grandparents often come with years of experience and have seen many different parenting styles. Acknowledge that you respect their knowledge and the wisdom they bring, while gently introducing the fact that times and approaches have changed. Acknowledge their experience while making space for new ideas. "I know you have so much experience with raising children, and hearing your stories really helps me understand where you are coming from. I’m sure you can see that things have changed a bit since you were a parent, and if you think it could be helpful, I’d like to share the approach I’ve been taking with [child's name], just to make sure we're all on the same page." This helps create a tone of mutual respect rather than correction. 3. Share Your Parenting Philosophy Explain the reasoning behind your conscious parenting choices. Instead of simply laying down rules, share your philosophy. This helps grandparents understand your mindset and how it benefits your child. For example: "I've been focusing a lot on mindful parenting lately. For me, it's about guiding [child's name] with patience and understanding. I try to avoid punishment and instead work with them to help them understand their feelings and actions." When grandparents understand the "why" behind your choices, they may be more open to adopting them in their caregiving. 4. Keep It Simple and Positive Be clear but gentle in offering specific guidelines. Choose your words carefully to avoid sounding overly critical. Frame your guidelines in a way that reflects your desire for consistency and safety without implying that their way is wrong. For example: "When we’re at home, we like to keep a consistent bedtime routine, and I’d love for that to stay the same when they’re with you. It really helps them settle down for the night." By keeping your tone positive and focusing on the benefits, you make it easier for your parents to follow the guidelines without feeling defensive. 5. Offer Practical Tips Instead of simply telling them what to do, offer practical suggestions for implementing your guidelines. For instance: "If [child's name] gets upset, I’ve found that offering a calm, quiet space to settle down works better than raising our voices. You might try sitting with them for a few minutes and helping them talk about what’s going on." This not only explains your preference but also equips your parents with tools to succeed in following it. 6. Involve Them in the Process Sometimes, grandparents may feel like their experience and authority are being undermined. To avoid this, involve them in the process of conscious parenting. Encourage them to share their thoughts or ask questions. "I'd love to hear your thoughts on this approach. If you ever feel uncertain or need any tips, just let me know! I’m always happy to chat and find what works best for everyone." This shows that you're open to collaboration and not just imposing rules. 7. Be Understanding and Flexible Understand that it may take some time for grandparents to adjust to your approach, especially if their previous experiences differ. Offer support and be patient with them as they try to implement your guidelines. You might say: "I know it can be a big shift, so please don't worry if things don't always go perfectly. We're all learning and growing, and I appreciate your patience and your effort in trying to do it differently." This approach helps reduce pressure on your parents and makes them feel supported rather than criticized. 8. Keep Communication Open Make sure that communication lines are always open. Let them know that if they have any concerns or questions, they can always reach out to you. Having an open dialogue ensures that everyone feels comfortable and confident in the caregiving process. "If you ever have any questions or if something doesn’t seem to be working, don’t hesitate to call me. I want to make sure we’re all on the same page and that everyone has a good experience." This helps foster ongoing collaboration and support between you and your parents. Conclusion Setting guidelines for grandparents with a conscious parenting approach can be tricky, but it’s all about balance, respect, and communication. By focusing on your child’s well-being, showing appreciation for their help, and being clear about your desires, you can ensure your child’s care aligns with your values while maintaining a strong and positive relationship with your parents. By approaching the situation with empathy and patience, you can create an environment where both generations feel understood, respected, and supported.
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