The past couple of years, there have been reports from multiple agencies including a Surgeon General’s Advisory, talking about the unprecedented amounts of stress parents are facing raising their children. From concerns about anxiety and depression, and bullies, to putting limits on tech and social media… parents have a lot to worry about.

As a Montessori educator for over 20 years, and now as a parent coach, I have seen the distress first-hand. Parents want so badly to protect their kids and to ensure they grow up to be physically, emotionally and mentally healthy. I wish I could say there was an easy answer, but with so many different challenges facing parents, the solution can be complex.

Through my years of experience teaching and coaching, and raising two children of my own, I believe the most impactful skill a parent can develop is CONNECTION! 

So... what is connection?

Connection is a powerful foundation for building strong, healthy relationships between parents and their children. When parents actively nurture and maintain a deep, emotional connection with their kids, it can significantly improve communication, understanding, and trust, all of which are essential for a positive and supportive relationship. Unfortunately, true connection can be somewhat nebulous. It can be easy to fall into permissive parenting or enmeshment if you did not experience a healthy connection in your own childhood.

So... where do you start?

How do you develop connection? Here are the top three reasons connection matters and the impact it can have, followed by some ways to begin the process of creating connection now:

1. Emotional Security and Stability

• Why it matters: When children feel connected to their parents, they develop a strong sense of emotional security. This connection serves as a safe base from which children can explore the world, knowing they have a reliable source of support and comfort to return to without the fear of judgment.

• Impact: Children who experience a strong emotional connection with their parents are more likely to have better self-esteem, and handle stress more effectively. They also tend to feel more confident in expressing their true selves.

2. Effective Communication and Trust

• Why it matters: A strong connection fosters open lines of communication. When children feel understood and respected, and know that they can communicate anything to their parents, they are more likely to share their thoughts, feelings, and concerns.

• Impact: This enhances trust and reduces the likelihood of misunderstandings or conflicts. Children also feel more comfortable seeking guidance from their parents, receiving information based on their own family values, and less influenced by their peers or social media - which is critical to ensure better decision-making and social development.

3. Positive Behavioral Development

• Why it matters: A secure emotional connection with parents lays the foundation for healthy social behaviors and emotional regulation. When children feel seen, heard, and valued, they are more likely to internalize positive values like empathy, respect, and responsibility.

• Impact: Children with strong connections to their parents tend to exhibit better behavior in school and social settings, as they are more emotionally intelligent and aware of their actions’ impact on others.

How Can I Foster Connection Right now?:

• Quality Time: Spend time together doing activities that foster closeness—whether it’s playing a game, going for a walk, or simply sitting and talking. Even if it’s just 10-15 minutes a day, with each child.

• Active Listening: Give children your full attention when they speak. Validate their emotions and show empathy, even if you don’t always agree with their point of view.

• Physical Affection: Hugs, kisses, and other physical signs of affection can help reinforce a sense of safety and love.

• Be Present: Show up for your child, not just physically, but emotionally. Be engaged in their lives, take an interest in their activities, and be involved in their world.

• Model Healthy Emotions: Don’t hide your own emotions. Demonstrate how to deal with difficult emotions in constructive ways. Show children that it’s okay to make mistakes and learn from them.

• Reasonable but Firm Boundaries: Children need to know there are limits, otherwise they feel unsafe. Think about your limits and make sure they are reasonable and age appropriate. And most importantly, enforce them. They can be enforced with empathy, but don’t work if not enforced.

After basic needs and safety - belonging and connection are the most important of human needs. Parents who prioritize connection are more likely to have children who feel secure, valued, and heard, which leads to a relationship where kids feel safer to go to their parents rather than looking for what they need anywhere else, and perhaps lessen the likelihood of becoming depressed, being bullied and over-using social media.

If you're not sure how to create connection with your child, reach out - I address this issue and much more in my parent coaching practice, Parenting on Purpose!

Sources:

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. (2021). Surgeon General's Advisory on Protecting Youth Mental Health. Retrieved from https://www.hhs.gov

Eisenberg, N., & Fabes, R. A. (1992). Empathy, emotional expressiveness, and prosocial behavior. Developmental Psychology, 28(4), 528-538.

Baumrind, D. (1991).  The influence of parenting style on adolescent competence and substance use. Journal of Early Adolescence, 11(1), 56-95.